she held the moon, the way she held her own heart-
as if its light was the only thing
that could guide her
through the darkest night.
August 19, 2019
I started this blog to talk about uncomfortably honest truth filled tales about Motherhood.
Motherhood came in a whirlwind for me.
I got pregnant the month, (the day I swear), we started trying. I told my husband that it would take about a year of trying because I didn't want either one of us to panic if it didn't happen right away.
It happened RIGHT AWAY.
We figured we would space our kids a couple of years apart, 2 or 3, because my brother and I were 25 months apart and we were best friends growing up. We wouldn't space our kids 7 years apart like my husband and his sister were, which led to them being very distant when she left for college and his was barely hitting the end of elementary school. That made it hard to connect, I mean no one leaves for college and wants to spend their free time with their kid brother, I get it. And I just don't want that to be my kids' relationship if I can help it, ya know?
Anyways the Universe had a good laugh at my expense and Motherhood said, "oh yeah?! Not too far apart huh? That's your worry. How about 10 months apart, that close enough for you??!"
Yeah. Didn't see that plot twist coming,at all.
I was set to continue working full time, I was working in retail management with my MA degree in Counseling Psychology and then BAM- babies, 2 in a 10 month period. Before Roman turned 11 months old, before he learned to walk, and before he could soak in some only child time- Coco was born.
I don't remember that much about that first year, it is a blur. I think 'I've discusses that term on here before- the blur- the time and space where you know SO much happened, but can't remember many details about it because you were so busy every single moment for years on end that it all blurs together as just one big memory.
I've told my husband that I wish I could remember more, he often says "remember when..." and I don't, not at all, not about that first year anyways. But he always assures me that it wouldn't make a difference. And thank God for smart phones and the abundance of photography on so many platforms and devices because that helps jog my rusty mom brain and I can see those sweet gummy smiles from my Irish Twins like it was just yesterday....
So if youre in the whirldwind, the blur year(s), of motherhood- know this:
-Your memory in all its glory will return, just when the baby dust settles a little bit...