she held the moon, the way she held her own heart-
as if its light was the only thing
that could guide her
through the darkest night.
Moon Mama- How + Why// MOON talk
November 15, 2016
Super Moon- Moon Mama Name & Meaning
This Super Moon has been unbelievably gorgeous-
the closest to the Earth that the moon will be since 1948 & we won't see anything like this again until November 25, 2034.
The moon is a feminine symbol, universally representing the rhythm of time as it embodies the cycle. The phases of the moon symbolize immortality and eternity, enlightenment (Google).
The Moon also represents transitions, the moon itself, always being in transition, never the same each night.
Kind of takes your breath away right? In more ways than one. The grandeur of such a thing as well as the time in between such events. It makes me stop to think, and calculate, how old I will be in 2034 (48), how old my babies will be (19 and 20), and how long I will have been married (22 years). How time passes, how it will pass, and is passing right now... I really attribute these feelings to being a parent. Time first began to pass quickly for me my second year of college. My freshman year time still felt "normal"- seasons went at normal speed, school quarters began and ended how it felt they should, but somewhere around my sophomore year of college time began to move more intensely, faster, the pull of time seemed tighter, and unescapable. After under-grad I went straight into grad school and moved into a house with my now husband-just the two of us. Those were our most fun memories I think. Time went faster then, holidays for instance began to fall out of out the sky at rapid speed. Valentine's Day, already? Fourth of July- already? Christmas a moment later. I also was working in retail full time while going to grad school so my days were long- like 12 hours 5 days a week- so I figured that was why I was missing everything and time was going faster. But after graduation, we got engaged, and I decided that I was moving home to SoCal from NorCal, and wanted to do so before our wedding. So we moved quickly after getting engaged- something I regret now, but hindsight, you know. So after moving, job hunting (unsuccessfully in my field of study), and having our wedding we moved out on our own from my family's home.
Maybe it was having our own first place, in the city we knew we would raise our family in someday, or maybe it was coming into our late 20's, or finishing up credentials and post B.A. degrees, entering careers, and deciding on when to have kids- time began to enter a hyper loop. I am sure the scientific definition of this term is something completely different from how I am using it here but just follow me for a minute.
Around age 27, time began to speed up exponentially, like ridiculously, unfathomably quickly. I felt like I couldn't catch up or catch my breath. What I realized about this time in my life, versus other times, was that I was entering and exiting transitions over and over, one after another, on a hyper loop. It felt as though just when I was comfortable and confident in understanding myself as a "college student" I graduated and became a "grad student "and "live-in girlfriend." Just as before, when those titles too seemed easy and comfortable in telling friends and strangers alike, I graduated and weeks later was engaged and all of a sudden I was no longer identifiable as those former titles or labels. I was no longer a studious "grad student" or fun and easy "live-in girlfriend." I was "unemployed," looking for my new big-girl career, and a "fiancé."
Those titles never felt comfortable for me, so quickly I became a "wife" and "business manager." Those titles felt right. They fit me. I liked being a business/ career women. I liked going to hotels for conferences in my black business attire and fancy designer tote bag on my arm. I liked sitting in conferences where I took notes on fancy company stationary with fancy pens (which I kept) and my fancy meals were paid for, and I got paid for my time there, and my drive time so maybe I drove extra slow to listen to MY music sans kids, and my parking, and my gas were all comped. I liked having VIP clients and Level 4 events to attend. I liked my fancy business privileges like my amazing employee discount, paid for lunches when vendors would stop by, the non-stop gratis with free everything, and perks of working in and near a mall, like shopping sprees on your lunch break, and being friends with all the workers so you get the hook-up in the fancy café, and extra goodies with my makeup purchases, and special boxes and wrapping when it was someones birthday or I forgot a holiday (that darn hyper loop) - those businessy job perks.
Now, I am a "Stay At Home Mom"- it has been about 4 months of this title/label. I am still getting use to it. I am still getting use to saying when someone asks, "So, what do you do?" that I am no longer that "business manager" working with vendors to plan events and finding ways to drive business and bring in more dollars to a company's bottom line. I bite my lip with hesitation and gently say, "I stay home now... I am a Stay At Home Mom." I am still getting use to the looks and the murmurings of, "Oh.." followed by silence, or the simple, dismissive "Oh, that's nice."
Yes. Right, nice. I am nice now. Not strong or brilliant or successful (by society's measuring stick) any more. I am a nice, simple Mom.
So, I will sit with this title for the time being. I will sit with it like all the titles that came before it- "college student, girlfriend, part-time worker, intern, research assistant, grad student, live-in girlfriend, un-employeed, fiancé, business manager," and "wife."
I will learn to get comfortable with it.
How it sounds and the reactions in peoples faces when they hear it. I will learn to no longer hesitate when asked, but announce this title, like the ones before it, with pride and confidence.
I will sit with this title and learn from it until the moon strikes again, and the phases of transition start again and it is time for a new title.
And time to learn to get comfortable all over again...