she held the moon, the way she held her own heart-
as if its light was the only thing
that could guide her
through the darkest night.
November 2, 2016
Oh my God.
It has been a day.
So my twins- #1 is 25 months and #2 is 14 months -
(My Answers to your questions forming: "yes they are 11 months apart- hence the term "Irish Twins." No, I didn't plan that. Yes, I have my hands full. Yes, I still want more. No, I am not sure when...)
are going through maaajor toddlerhood/three-nager/ stages of development. They are insane.
Well not so much #2, although now that she is walking it is a little insane going out with them since they love to run in opposite directions in equally dangerous sitations. For instance, #2 will take off to the mens bathroom while #1 runs into on-coming traffic, little things like that-
So, thank GOD for my MOMS (Moms Offering Moms Support) group. They have saved my sanity. I could never go out with both before, but now that I have 4 - 8 other MOMS there with me who are extra eyes, ears, and hands to help me corral my toddlers. And boy, I will take allllll the help I can get.
I have NO family- I'm not trying to play the orphan card but - played-
(I technically have biological parents but not a Mom/ Dad- you know what I mean? Plus they live out of the country. And my in-laws...well they live faraway and are preoccupied with their other grandchildren who they prefer to us... that is for a whole other blog post...)
So small tasks like going to Target or the grocery store are solo tasks that involve me vs. two toddlers vs. nap time vs. all the toys/balloons in the store vs. my budget vs. my pride.
Super simple. No big deal.
I may lean on these ladies too much but hey, I have no family so this is it. All of it.
I am not even going to lie about my jealousy of other moms I see shopping with their mom and kids, or eating lunch all together. Those moms get to eat. While their food is hot. During lunch time. Without screaming toddlers, sharing their food, sticky hands touching it...
What is that like? For real though, like tell me about it... it must feel nice. comfortable stable. Not easy, no thats not what I mean. Just a little more balance to the crazy. A little less heaviness in the day. A little ridge between life before and now.
I wish I had a bridge.
Because toddlerhood is hard. Today we went on a field trip to the local fire house and my 2 year old cried the whole time. The fire captain let him stay behind while the rest of our group went on a tour. Not to be super nice, which he was, but to avoid a monster tantrum which as a Dad he saw coming, as did I. So while the other 5 moms and kids went on, me and my 2 toddlers stayed behind. Just us and the captan. I was mortified. He tried to make me feel better. He told me had 3 daughters, 6, 8, and 10. That it gets easier at 6 years old. My face flushed. I must really look like a struggling mess. Here he is telling me when it will get easier, clearly because he can tell it is not an easy time for me now. I tried to laugh it off, "wow" I muttered, "I've got a while to go then..."
When our group got back I tried again to convince my 2 year old to re-join them, he refused. Screeching, screaming, throwing a fit. Which if I did not have a 1 year old in my hands, who I had to clutch onto because she wanted to touch every sharp/ dangerous item around, I could pick up and march away with. But, since I Literally had my hands full I could not do anything. I could only quietly hiss threats to him, but as most toddlers do, he ran away. When I tried bribing him with cookies he screamed.
Then, it came time to leave- oh shit. I swear he napped 2 full hours but it was like he didn't sleep a wink. Full break down. Extreme beast mode. So a fireman, bless him and his Aussie accent, offered to carry #1 to my car so I could physically restrain and remove #2. Yes, I squeaked out. Please help. He sweetly, scooped up #2, and led me to the parking lot. #1 was screaming the whole way to the car. He wanted the fire truck. Ummm, how do I try to explain to him that No, we would not be taking the fire truck home. He would not hear of my "nice, sweet" mom talk- So as soon as nice fireman bucked #2 into her carseat, like a freaking pro by the way- majorly impressed- and I thanked him profusely, with utter embarrassment and beads of sweat on my face and shook his hand- I turned around and threatened #1 with a spanking and he quieted right now.
Now dinner time and bath.
Wish me luck---
Those of you with help ( moms, dads, aunts, uncles, neighbors, cousins, siblings, who love and help you) give them a BIG hug tonight and a major THANK YOU- I know your job is still hard, being mom/ Dad is ALWAYS the most difficult title no matter how much help you have, I get that.
But, you are so lucky. What I would give...
***Follow me on IG @Melissa__Chay *See my stories on IG for screaming toddler videos/ evidence of today's events