she held the moon, the way she held her own heart-
as if its light was the only thing
that could guide her
through the darkest night.
Losing Friends- and why it's okay
October 2, 2016
Today we celebrated the babies birthdays. My tiny littles turned 1 and 2 so we celebrated it with a small party with close family and friends. It was honestly close to perfect and I don't say that often so that really means something. I loved *almost* every moment.
But then a friend at the party asked about another friend of mine, a friend from college who wasn't there. I stopped and thought deep through my thick fog of mom brain - oh shit is she coming?
I searched my brain, did I send her an invite? Yes. I actually ran through dates with her during pre- planning this party and she assured me it was good weekend for her. Ok, she didn't rsvp-but that's not a big deal a lot of people don't rsvp.
Every time I'm in town, which is only a handful of times throughout the year, I make a point to see all my college girl friends. Last time I was here for only a few days I spent an afternoon driving over 100 miles to see a friend and spend two hours at dinner with them just to drive another 100 miles home. Mind you, this is after an 8 hour car drive up. I don't mind doing the little sacrifices, like missing out on time with my kids, not putting them to sleep- which weighs heavy on the minds and souls of moms. Because I know I need girl time. And I like it and I like her. But lately she's been not a good friend. I literally sent her a text last week pouring my heart out about how difficult it was to be a stay-at-home mom. About how I worked full-time for over a decade and how this was a new and difficult for me. How I had recently joined a moms group and found support and how I was so grateful for that. I told her it must be similar to what it feels like to have a family, sisters, people to help you with your kids and just your day.
She literally didn't write back.
Not one word.
Not wow, I'm happy for you or some generic bullshit.
I later saw via social media she was out having drinks with friends. Must be nice. I'm over here venting about no family, no help, and the stress of motherhood while you can't write back to me one text?
But yes, drinks and a night out. Ok. Right. Yes. Must be highly important for a single person with no children to take part in with their undivided attention - texting at a bar? Rude. [heavy sarcasm] <---
I'll just be here unshowered,tired, and alone. No thanks to you "friend."
Not even 5 years ago, at my wedding, she was helping me through all the ornate details and fantasizing of what life would bring in the following years. Now she's a stranger. Time has such an interesting way of warping things doesn't it?
I've reached and reached for her friendship and company. She's not done the same.
Really though, I'm tired. I have toddlers. I don't have energy to reach out to a stranger with no clear interest in me or my new life any longer. No, not any more.
Not for a friend who didn't even text me to tell me she wasn't coming to my kids party today after assuring me she would. A quick text to say have fun, wish I could be there, etc. lies. Whatever.
So adios friend.
I have said more goodbyes than hellos lately to friends. But I guess this is how this growing up thing works.
Priorities change. People change. With them. And also with me.
I no longer accept or allow half ass friends into my life. My company is precious. I have little time outside my kids and husband. So if I'm changing, altering my families life and routine to see you, then the expectation is that you do the same for me.
Or at least text me to tell me otherwise...
Because I am a damn good friend. And it's just a social courtesy and basic human decency.
It saddens me to think that one day I'll show my toddlers, when they are all grown up, pictures of my wedding and they'll ask who is that standing with you mommy? Is she your friend?
And I'll honestly reply, I don't know who. And no. No she's not.