she held the moon, the way she held her own heart-
as if its light was the only thing
that could guide her
through the darkest night.
new life- stay at home mom
August 9, 2016
So, if you're counting with me it has been about three weeks since I quit my job and became a full time stay at home Mom.
Wow, (coming up for air) what a crazy whirlwind these weeks have been.
I honestly cannot remember much about this time at all. I heard a mom refer to these years at The Blur and made complete sense to me and has since stuck with me. So now I too will refer to this time as The Blur.
Here is a few things I have learned in my short time at home:
1-AMAZON PRIME IS LIFE
Ok, so I have no help. ZIP, ZERO, like None. So this is me doing this all by myself. It is like performing an exquisite ballet no one ever sees or a mean guitar solo that no one ever hears. No one sees the mayhem and madness in my house. My neighbors probably hear it, but they never stop by to help so, whatever. I do my best. I do. It is just so incredily hard. Not in like, studying for a test or getting in shape for a marathon. Those things too are serious challenges and reward worthy, however, when you tell someone you are training for a marathon or performing in a ballet they Gasp, they ooh and ahh, and will even come watch. Me, well, no one is interesting in watching (or helping) and so days activities, the highs (eating all #1's lunch) or the lows (#1 woke up #2 and then we were all in bad moods), all go back without acknowledgement. No ooh or ahhs for us. When you say, I'm a stay at home mom people just nod and smile. Seriously? Next time someone tells you that, ooh and fucking ahhh and them. Acknowledge their thankless work, how hard it is, how no one seems to notice.
So I was warned about this by a co-worker and former SAHM herself. She told me, be careful about being alone too much. She knew I was alone. No family, no friends (with kids, so basically no friends). She is the one who really made me seek out a MOMS group.
***check back to see how the MOMS group goes....(imagining worst case scenario here)
3-How fucking long it takes to pack a diaper bag.
I mean, seriously. I have packed for vacations in less time. It is because I have 2 under 2 I know...but people have triplets I tell myself as I make yet ANOTHER BOTTLE.
4- Never, for the love of GOD, leave home without extra clothes.
I made it home but diaper blow outs are no joke. I can count on one hand how many times in 2 years with (Irish) twins this has happened. But when it does, Jesus take the wheel (and speed!!!).
5- How Lucky I am for my Husband
In those moments that feel like hours, when the days seems like it won't end and I am not sure if Ill cry next or the baby, my husband always seems to come to the rescue. He deals with my attitude, even though he didn't cause it. He listens to me and doesn't judge me or my parenting. He buys me chocolate late at night after bad days because he can tell I need it. He gets up early on his days off because he hears me about to TOTALLY lose it on #1 and drags himself to Starbucks because it will give me the energy and the *niceness* needed to get through the rest of the day.
*Today was a double Starbucks day, that's all I'll say. The rest should be implied.
I am sure there is so much more that I could list here but I can't remember right now. I am tired. And I can hear #1 , he's screaming and probably driving my husband crazy. #2 will be losing it any minute because her bedtime is 7 sharp and she is crazy mean when she is tired.